Is 'I don't know' your favorite expression?

When you say, "I don't know,” what you really mean is "I'm not willing to say."   Instead of acknowledging that this is a question you aren't willing to answer, you hide behind pretending not to have a thought or an opinion.  In the short run this may seem convenient.  You manage to avoid conflicts, and you make no clear commitments.  But in the long run, you pay a price.  You probably won't get what you really want if you aren't willing to speak up and say what that is.  You also deny the value of your honest contributions to your relationships you others.  Growing up includes revealing your truth, even if what you say may not be popular.     
              

Tuesday

Are you harboring resentment toward someone?

Holding onto old resentments harms no one else as much as it does you.  Once you've acknowledged your hurt and anger about a difficult experience, look for any mistakes you made and make sure you learn the lessons inherent in the situation at hand.  Then with a big sigh of relief, let it go and get on with what comes next in your life.   You'll feel a great burden lift when you give up your hurt and give love for whoever harmed you.  That's the essence of forgiveness - recognizing the harm done, learning from your pain, and then giving it up as you also give love for you and your offender.         

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Misbehaving kids

Grow as your kids grow and your family will thrive.  Refuse to hear their messages, and you'll regret your choice.  Children make sure parents do their work of emotional growth and healing.  Through their most difficult behaviors, kids send coded messages to parents about unresolved issues with their moms and dads.  Wise parents take a look at how they may be treating their children, as they disliked being treated when they were young.  If they face their anger about those painful earlier experiences, they'll stop reenacting similar hurtful dramas with their kids.  It's not that parents are to blame when kids misbehave.  But they are responsible for growing and maturing as adults themselves so their kids can grow up successfully too.

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Saint or sinner?

She's a saint.  He's the sinner.  She's healthy.  He's sick.  She does everything right.  He's constantly in trouble. Their relationship is organized around opposing roles they play with each other.  One person is defined as "the problem."  The other seems to be without fault.   As long as they sustain this destructive illusion, nothing can really change in their marriage.  They're doomed to endless repetitions of the same deadly dance until they realize that both of them share responsibility for what's wrong and right about their relationship.  In truth each is both saint and sinner.  The challenge is in recognizing you can't be one without also being the other.

Friday

Do you tolerate unacceptable treatment from your partner?

You deserve what you tolerate.  That's a statement worth contemplating if you tend to be a perpetual victim.  It's all too easy to point the finger of blame at others who get away with too much.  It's much more difficult to look at the rest of the story.  When one spouse takes advantage of the other, the one left in the lurch is there because she allows herself to be.  She betrays herself by tolerating unacceptable treatment.  Though fears of abandonment or rejection may tempt you to put up with abuse, the paradox is that doing so is a sure way to doom a relationship to eventual failure.