The Winter of My Contentment

Contentment seduced me. Quietly, slyly, unobtrusively she showed up over time and cast her spell over me. I am alone I had cried, but "alone at last" was her sigh. How else could I have heard her whispers? For Contentment does not shout, she is not boisterous or contentious. Contentment is fluid like liquid silver flowing and pliable. There are so many things that bring Contentment that one day is often very different from the next. You have to be quick and on your toes and you have to pay attention to the clues she sends your way.

The first message I received during a trip to New Orleans to stay with friends. Taking a moonlit swim, alone, I felt the first twinges of what Contentment had been trying to convey. Yes, I whispered back, I’d rather be here with just myself than anywhere else or with anyone else.

Her next gift to me was a magical Christmas in New York City again with friends but without significant other. Contentment walked beside me in Central Park and through the Metropolitan Museum of Art and sat beside me at the Phantom of the Opera and under snowy skies, in bagel shops and up and down Broadway.

Every day since has brought new pleasures some that are astounding and others more are simple. Suddenly chopping a luscious red pepper for soup brings a giggle or the way the sun falls through the picture window onto the objects on my bookshelf brings a sigh of Contentment. Yes, a sigh, but no longer are my sighs coming from a place of anger or frustration, a sigh instead of a scream. Instead my sighs well up out of a place of joy and peace. It’s a feeling of being in the right place and doing what is right for me.

The "content" of my life is rich and savory much like the soups I am making. And it’s probably not just what I am doing so much as how I am doing it with enthusiasm and appreciation. Contentment has been trying to get my attention for a long time. But she got lost in the din of a life that was overcrowded with doing too much for too many. Now, in the quiet mornings I sit with a steaming cup of coffee and watch the pair of Cardinals who live outside my bedroom window and listen to their duet. Wrapped up in a cozy King size bed that is fit for a single princess, I share the moment with Contentment.

Whether I am having my peak moment of adventure at the top of Pike’s Peak or just watching the sun set with a glass of wine and soothing music I feel the gift of each "present" moment that Contentment blesses me with. I no longer feel the pressure of running pal mal into the frenzy of whatever activities are supposed to provide me with success. Success is a day with out stress or anxiety. I have also discovered that other people usually find a way to take care of themselves without my influence or interference. Imagine that. And I have discovered that Contentment is a gift that only I can give to myself.